March 15, 2008... HUGE day for me as a runner. That was the day I ran my first race. (Okay, so not my FIRST, first race- I was a runner in HS and college, but stopped when I shattered my ankle in 1998... so my first race in a long time and first race while recovering from being fat. ) On January 1, 2008 I took my first ever run. I remember that run vividly... I went all of 1 city block before I couldn't go any further. I sat on the curb, and I cried. it was humbling. It was humiliating. And it was the first step, though I didn't know it at the time.

A few days later, I started the Couch to 5K program... it was brutal for me at the time. Going from weighing 250 to running a 5k in 12 weeks seemed... well... extremely ambitious. In that time, I dropped a quick 30 lbs, and I DID end up doing the 5k at the very end of the 12 week program... I remember running that race and feeling lithe... feleing slim and healthy.

Looking back at the picture, I can see that I was far from it. But I still take great pride in that picture. THAT was the first time I felt like a 'real' runner. Like I could accomplish anything. That was a very slow 5k, my friends- 38m42s. But I ran the whole thing. No walking. And as you can see, I finished with my head held high. And why not? I did the (seemingly) impossible that day. I was still quite fat, and yet, I ran.

It's almost been two years since I started this journey. And still, I'm not at my goal weight. Not even close- I'm shy by about 30-ish more lbs. It's STILL frustrating and STILL hard. But I have come a very long way in that time. In 3 weeks, I will run my third half-marathon (all ran this year). Next year, I will run my first full marathon... and in the years that are yet to come, I will add in triathlons and more...

I keep reading posts on Twitter, blogs, and articles by people who don't want to race until they are skinny enough to race. I guess I understand that mentality on some level... and yet, a whole different part of me wants to scream JUST RUN! Who cares if your body isn't perfect yet. Who cares that you don't LOOK the part of a runner. If you are out there pushing yourself, then you are. Besides, it's a great way to PR almost every race as you drop weight. ;)

For those of you who don't know, an American man won the NYC Marathon this past weekend... after a VERY long hiatus from the podium (do any of you remember Alberto Salazar? Yeah, me neither- too young!)... this should be an amazing reason to celebrate, right?

Right?

Sure. For most of us. However, some jackholes have taken it upon themselves to be asshattish and look for a reason to deride this incredible feat by Meb. These are asshats from the same camp as the 'birthers' doing the same thing to President Obama... they're questioning his citizenship.

Granted, Meb was not born in the US. But he HAS been here 22 years, and is legally an American citizen. Did you read that? AMERICAN CITIZEN. Legally. No questions about it.

And STILL that is not enough for the naysayers. Because according to them, a 'true' American didn't win this weekend.

What??

True American?? Please. None of us, save those of us who are a member of a Native American tribe are 'true' Americans. Not. A. Single. One. Of. Us. All of us are children of immigrants of some sort- some here voluntarily, some not. But the fact remains, that we are transplants to this amazing country. We don't own the exclusivity on this land.

Meb passed the tests- INS style AND running style. He is a result of American-based training. He is OURS.

So to you naysayers? I say fuck off. Seriously. Fuck. Off. Being an American is more than looking the part... and by being asshats, you make me ashamed to lump myself into the same camp as you.

I hope to God that the rest of the world knows that Americans aren't all intolerant bastards.

Meb? Congratulations. You really do make me proud to be an American.

As you all know (especially those of you who have been here for years- scary, huh- YEARS), this time of year is usually very hard for me. I usually spend this last week of October in a serious depression- missing the original version of my son- AJ, and crying about what we lost that day.

This year is different though... I'm not depressed. That kind of freaks me out... I'm not 'over' this... not by a long shot. And yet... I don't feel the need to mourn this year. AJ is a happy kid... he's strong in his own way. And believe me when I say he does NOT feel sorry for himself. He's just... AJ. So if he's happy, why shouldn't *I* be?

I recently read a post by a disabled man. In it, he was venting about his mom... and what really caught my eye was something along these lines 'she is so sad because of what happened to her... what happened to HER?? it didn't happen to her, it happened to me.'

And you know what- he's right. This didn't happen to me, it happened to AJ. And thank GOD he was young enough that for him, this new reality is just reality. He can't remember his infancy, so to him, this is just life. And yet, he still manages to smile, and smile a lot. It's one more lesson that my beautiful boy is teaching me... one that I think I'll hold on to for a long time to come.
Happy Halloween, everyone. I mean it. Enjoy it. Dress up. Act like a kid again. Smile. Laugh. Enjoy being alive. We will... and I'll post the pictures up after we go trick or treating.

For now, enjoy these pics taken at the coffin races this past weekend: